Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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