You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
