thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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