My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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