You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
