Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
