I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
