did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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