So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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