i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
