Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
