He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
