Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
