In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
