thus making me awesome and them whores
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
