my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
