My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
