First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
