god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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