He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He kissed a someone with a penis
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
