he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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