I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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