you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I miss vodka workout Fridays
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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