Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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