if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
