and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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