Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
