so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
