it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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