At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
