Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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