I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
