I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
