yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
