i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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