AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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