and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
