She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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