I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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