How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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