he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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