You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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