you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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