Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
