Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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