so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
