I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
