this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
