I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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