I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Rumble strips road head = magical
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
