She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Randomize
