i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
